October, My Love.

October my love, how bittersweet you were.
Sweeping in unexpectedly, catching me off guard.
Always was I aware of your existence but,
never would I have deemed you to be the one to steal my heart.

October, my love.

So gentle.
So kind.
The leaves you shed around me were like a blanket,
a comforting antidote for my constantly troubled mind. 

You came in and along with you brought in the rain.
It cleansed me, 

saved me, from a fate worse than death,

now forever free of the sorrow, forever free of the pain.

You surprised me, you amazed me.
Igniting feelings that were so astoundingly quiet, I assumed them to be dead.
You breezed your way into my haunted thoughts,

and scattered my mind of all coherent beliefs.
All the while leaving scars not of pain, but of bliss instead.

October, my love, nothing lasts forever.
You were gone with the wind just as soon as you came.
November, bless him,

he was always such a problem child,
he thinks he can sweep me away.

But no, never you fear.
Patiently will I wait again, for when the wind takes over and the leaves begin to fall.
I'll listen expectantly, for in the sound of the rain,
I'm almost certain I will hear you call.

For October, you have my heart now. And my salvation, you will always be.
From now itself starts a new beginning,
The beginning of a hope that I will see you again.
In a new year, in a new world,
In a new time...
Won't you come back to me?

Pictures of You.

I looked at a picture of you today. Smiling, happy.
More in love than I'd ever seen you.
I'd never been lucky enough to be the reason for that brightness in the eyes that I'd so inexorably fallen for. I'd never seen a love and elation so powerful in those eyes, that it made the one looking at it want to delight in the joy of your happiness.
But those pictures could never make me smile. Truth be told, it did just the opposite. It broke me. It tore me up within, with the knowledge that I wasn't The One. The reason that that ecstasy in your life existed. The source of your pleasure and contentment. I died slowly, every time I looked at a picture...
a fresh cut...
a bloody and bruising reminder of the life you now had...
It would not let me forget.
It wasn't me, it never would be, it never could be.

I looked at a picture of you today. Smiling, happy.
And I waited. Waited for the grief to come and sweep me up in a blinding daze of tears and sadness. I waited for that hatred that my heart had gotten so used to, to overwhelm me. I waited for the pain of losing you, the pain that ran like a drug mixed with my blood, coursing through my veins, to engulf me. I was addicted to the hurt and the misery, and therefore I waited.
And waited.
And waited.
But nothing, no kind of sorrow was harnessed.
All that showed was a smile echoing acceptance.
And a new found forgiveness.

I looked at a picture of you today. Smiling, happy.
And for the first time, I smiled too.
My heart didn't stop.
The pain didn't come, my blood and body to claim.

I looked at a picture of you today. Smiling, happy.
And not a single trace of the emotions you once evoked in me, the ones that consumed me,
remains.