Losing someone isn't easy. It rips you apart. Fills you with emotions you never thought you could endure. Anger, hurt, misery, shock...everything rolled into one massive bundle, that's just cast onto your chest. And your heart doesn't know what to do with all the weight...all the pain. It buckles and backs up. Trying to deal with this sudden unfathomable loss.
First comes the shock. You're standing there, but only relatively there. Your mind races. Floods with questions. Frantically looks for answers. Panic and bile rises in your chest as you try to comprehend why? how? what was it that went wrong? Was there something you could've done? Maybe. Was there something you SHOULD have done? Probably. But it's too late now...Its all over. Gone. Like the ashes from the embers of a fire dancing away with the breeze. And the minute the realization of THAT dawns on you, you go numb. You lose all sense of feeling...all sense of hearing. Your body refuses to respond to the commands given by your mind. Your emotions switch off. Finally giving in and crumpling under the force this loss has inflicted. Suddenly, your body doesn't contain your soul anymore. Instead, its in front of you. Telling you to feel. Telling you that its okay to let it out. But you cant. You cant seem to feel anything at all.. You hear the girl in front of you, see her even. But its all muffled and blurred. Like looking through a fogged up glass. And you realize, the reason its so blurred is because a wave of tears is about to wash over and knock the breath out of you. And its all you can do to keep from letting out a blood curdling scream.
Then comes the guilt. Because you could've been there. You SHOULD have been there. You should have done everything you needed to do to help. You should've let them know how much you cared. How much you needed them.. Things you never would've said when they were around. Maybe, just maybe then, they would have stayed. Considered not leaving...for you. But you never did. You NEVER let them know. Sometimes, we never realize how much our choices affect the people around us. The people who love us. The people who need us. Even if we do realize it, we make them anyway. Not caring about anyone but ourselves and our selfish needs. You CHOSE to stay away. To not be a part. You chose to walk away. And now, all you can do is just sit and wish you could take it all back. Turn back time. Tell them that you loved them when you had the chance.. That you wanted them to stay. That you'd do anything to let them know how much they meant. If only they could just come back and give YOU another chance. But you cant. You know you cant. That, is what the guilt of your choices does. It paralyses you.
And finally the grief and regrets set in.
And everything goes black...
No. Losing someone isn't easy. Especially if you were never there for that someone when they needed you the most.
First comes the shock. You're standing there, but only relatively there. Your mind races. Floods with questions. Frantically looks for answers. Panic and bile rises in your chest as you try to comprehend why? how? what was it that went wrong? Was there something you could've done? Maybe. Was there something you SHOULD have done? Probably. But it's too late now...Its all over. Gone. Like the ashes from the embers of a fire dancing away with the breeze. And the minute the realization of THAT dawns on you, you go numb. You lose all sense of feeling...all sense of hearing. Your body refuses to respond to the commands given by your mind. Your emotions switch off. Finally giving in and crumpling under the force this loss has inflicted. Suddenly, your body doesn't contain your soul anymore. Instead, its in front of you. Telling you to feel. Telling you that its okay to let it out. But you cant. You cant seem to feel anything at all.. You hear the girl in front of you, see her even. But its all muffled and blurred. Like looking through a fogged up glass. And you realize, the reason its so blurred is because a wave of tears is about to wash over and knock the breath out of you. And its all you can do to keep from letting out a blood curdling scream.
Then comes the guilt. Because you could've been there. You SHOULD have been there. You should have done everything you needed to do to help. You should've let them know how much you cared. How much you needed them.. Things you never would've said when they were around. Maybe, just maybe then, they would have stayed. Considered not leaving...for you. But you never did. You NEVER let them know. Sometimes, we never realize how much our choices affect the people around us. The people who love us. The people who need us. Even if we do realize it, we make them anyway. Not caring about anyone but ourselves and our selfish needs. You CHOSE to stay away. To not be a part. You chose to walk away. And now, all you can do is just sit and wish you could take it all back. Turn back time. Tell them that you loved them when you had the chance.. That you wanted them to stay. That you'd do anything to let them know how much they meant. If only they could just come back and give YOU another chance. But you cant. You know you cant. That, is what the guilt of your choices does. It paralyses you.
And finally the grief and regrets set in.
And everything goes black...
No. Losing someone isn't easy. Especially if you were never there for that someone when they needed you the most.
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