A Farewell.

 It’s been a little hard for me to tell you how I feel. What you mean to me. Every time I try to explain it, it either comes out wrong, or doesn’t come out altogether.  Now, as I sit in the aircraft and watch as the last specks of 17 years of my life rapidly disappear along the runway, I think of how some out of those 17 years were spent in the presence of one of the best people I have EVER known. And I miss you. I miss you so much, that there’s an enormous part of me that just wants to get off the flight so I can come back home and everything can just go back to the way it was.  But I know that if I did that, I would be giving you no reason to be proud of me. 

You’ve been there whenever I’ve needed you. Even when I didn’t know it myself, even when I didn’t want your help, you were there. Your mere presence has never failed to put a smile on my face. You loved me. You still do. Not because I was the pretty brown haired, brown eyed girl with a golden voice. But because I was the bubbly head-in-the-clouds, on-a-perpetual-sugar rush dramatic headstrong girl, who had much more to her than she let on.

 The first time that I met you, we hardly spoke. We were two different people, we had a different set of friends, save for the few mutual ones that we knew.  But, I secretly admired you. (partly because of the fact that you carried yourself with so much of charisma and individuality.) Your personality astounded me. I was terrified to know what a person like you could hold and be like within, but my curiosity got the best of me. I WANTED to take that risk. To play with fire. I just didn’t know HOW… (But you did eventually, thank God!) Now, years later, we’ve grown up and come such a long way, it’s almost hard to believe that I couldn’t pluck up the courage to just say HI. Its hard to wrap my head around the fact that those two kids were us. Walking around like we had not a care in the world. Fighting, challenging each other. You saw the innocence and morality in me as I saw the benevolence and goodness in you. We had good times and we had bad. Heartbreaking situations and joyous occasions. There were times when I hated you enough to want to drive a stake through your heart and there were times I loved you with every nerve and fiber in my body. At times when I look back at all these years, I feel slight pangs of regret because I never let you in soon enough. I never let you see beyond that smile, that I constantly had plastered on my face. You looked at me with so much of love and respect, you believed in me so firmly and trusted me to lengths I couldn’t imagine, I was so scared that if you saw how flawed I was, those feelings would change. You would run away, just like everyone else. I distanced myself. Drew a barrier between me and the rest, especially you, because I thought it was the right thing to do. Turns out, it wasn't the smartest move in the world.
We hardly talk anymore. It’s been months since I left. I’m oceans away and you’ve moved on. We both have. You have a life that beckons and gets crazier day by day. And I have a whole array of new beginnings ahead of me. We talk whenever we can, but there’s no denying that the bond we once had, the one where you knew exactly what I was thinking without me saying a word. Where every song I sang, and every note I hit reminded you of how proud you were of me, and of the fact that I was a part of your life and you of mine, is wrinkling at the edges. It will never fade away entirely. But it is weakening. As time goes on you won’t miss me and I won’t think of you, as I do. Already your memory seems like a blur. A dream that occurred ages ago. So I’ll say it now, before it ceases to matter entirely. I miss you. And I love you. You will see greatness and encounter people much better than me. And I will see either the blissful tranquility or uproar of life through someone else’s eyes. But that love will never change.So for now, the distance will do. Let the bond break, if meant to. What could be better than building it again if we have to. And when we meet once more somewhere down the road of forever, everything that transpired between us will be there. And I will have my best friend back.
So,Yes. Sometimes I wonder if it would have been easier to just get off that plane and come home. No distance to break us. But then I remember, that if I did that, I would be giving you no reason to be proud of me.
And thats what comes to matter. Even if leads to our distance.