She didn't know when it had occurred. Or even how. It had slowly crept its way in. All she knew was that she was looking at someone else in the mirror. Someone who had captured her being and taken possession of who she was. Like a stranger, a ghost that was living and breathing vicariously through her. The girl in the mirror was different from the girl she saw within. She had taken the backseat in her own life. The girl in the mirror was cold, but wiser. She was calling the shots. Making the decisions. Stopping the ache and yearning and switching the emotions off. The girl in the mirror was healing her. Repairing the damage and wreckage. Still, that didn't change the fact that she had no idea WHO this girl was.
She peered closely to see if she could find at least some fragments of the girl she had once been. The heart that had once resided in the body she was looking at. She looked the same. Brown eyes, brown hair... the same laugh, the same smile, the same voice... her nose wrinkled the same way when she frowned. And yet she wasn't who she wanted to be. That was it. She couldn't seem to unearth anything else. Nothing that reminded her of a life that had once meant the most to her. Should she be happy that she was healing?? That she could finally let it all go?? That she could finally take it all in her stride and not break down?? Maybe. But at what price?? Losing who she was? No. She wouldn't stand for that. But there appeared to be nothing she could do. She was not the holder of her life anymore.
Change they say, is inevitable and it had finally caught up with her. The girl in the mirror was changing her. Not in a bad way, but in a way that made it possible to face the challenges of the world. She was growing up.
Still...STILL...She didn't know what, and she didn't know why. But somehow, somewhere she was positive that she had lost something. Something that was a part of her. Something that she had fought for but misplaced. Something that gave her a feeling of assurance and security.
And without it she was susceptible...
apprehensive..
unsure of herself...
Without it, she was uncomfortable in her own skin.
She peered closely to see if she could find at least some fragments of the girl she had once been. The heart that had once resided in the body she was looking at. She looked the same. Brown eyes, brown hair... the same laugh, the same smile, the same voice... her nose wrinkled the same way when she frowned. And yet she wasn't who she wanted to be. That was it. She couldn't seem to unearth anything else. Nothing that reminded her of a life that had once meant the most to her. Should she be happy that she was healing?? That she could finally let it all go?? That she could finally take it all in her stride and not break down?? Maybe. But at what price?? Losing who she was? No. She wouldn't stand for that. But there appeared to be nothing she could do. She was not the holder of her life anymore.
Change they say, is inevitable and it had finally caught up with her. The girl in the mirror was changing her. Not in a bad way, but in a way that made it possible to face the challenges of the world. She was growing up.
Still...STILL...She didn't know what, and she didn't know why. But somehow, somewhere she was positive that she had lost something. Something that was a part of her. Something that she had fought for but misplaced. Something that gave her a feeling of assurance and security.
And without it she was susceptible...
apprehensive..
unsure of herself...
Without it, she was uncomfortable in her own skin.
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