"You're the best things that's happened to me in all my years on this earth" is what I would've said to him, had I gotten the opportunity. But no. There were no explanations or words of depart. He left without giving me a chance to even say goodbye.
Every morning, its the same sinking feeling as I open my eyes to the harsh stillness that is his side of the bed. I still haven't quite gotten used to waking up without him...
...How he'd tell me I was the prettiest in the morning.
Sheets that usually are a bundle of tangled linen from his tossing and turning all night, remain neatly folded and untouched. The eerieness of it unsettles me. I can still smell his scent all around me, on the bed, on my clothes, my body. Or maybe its all just in my head.
I go through the day. Quietly and subtly. A song reminds me of him as it blares on the radio and appeals to listeners all around. But not me, no. For me its a bittersweet symphony. For me, I'm transported back to what seems like ages ago. To a conversation..
To a corridor...
To a beautiful blue eyed boy...
As I go through the day, I pass the town square, the park where we used to meet. I pass the chapel on the corner, while The bells chime over and over again as if to say, "He's here. He always will be."
But it doesn't feel that way.
My loved ones are watching me, cautiously. Waiting for me to break or implode with the sadness and pain his departure has caused. I tell them I'm fine. It is a lie, told ofcourse in the hopes that one day ill believe it myself.
They're waiting to catch me if I fall but the truth is, I've been falling ever since that fateful day.
Falling into a bottomless pit. Slowly getting sucked into oblivion...
And there's nothing they, or I can do about it.
The nights are the worst. Its when the nightmares come. He'd always have some kind of music playing, pulling me into his arms and twirling me around the hall when we got home. Now all that's left is a cold and empty space. Just like the one im in within my body.
I go to bed and lay there for hours, hoping that at any minute Il wake up from this nightmare and he'll comfort me back to sleep. But it only worsens as I close my eyes and let all of his haunting memories take over me...
Slowly...but surely.
Truth is, I haven't been the same since the day he walked. And it shows through slight cracks in the facade I put on to convince the world im okay.
Truth is, I don't think I'll ever recover from this loss, this abandonment. With him gone, the ground has slipped from under my feet. And I've been running ever since.
Truth is, this nightmare will never end, I know. But there's nothing I can do about it.
Another day. Open my eyes. Repeat.
Every morning, its the same sinking feeling as I open my eyes to the harsh stillness that is his side of the bed. I still haven't quite gotten used to waking up without him...
...How he'd tell me I was the prettiest in the morning.
Sheets that usually are a bundle of tangled linen from his tossing and turning all night, remain neatly folded and untouched. The eerieness of it unsettles me. I can still smell his scent all around me, on the bed, on my clothes, my body. Or maybe its all just in my head.
I go through the day. Quietly and subtly. A song reminds me of him as it blares on the radio and appeals to listeners all around. But not me, no. For me its a bittersweet symphony. For me, I'm transported back to what seems like ages ago. To a conversation..
To a corridor...
To a beautiful blue eyed boy...
As I go through the day, I pass the town square, the park where we used to meet. I pass the chapel on the corner, while The bells chime over and over again as if to say, "He's here. He always will be."
But it doesn't feel that way.
My loved ones are watching me, cautiously. Waiting for me to break or implode with the sadness and pain his departure has caused. I tell them I'm fine. It is a lie, told ofcourse in the hopes that one day ill believe it myself.
They're waiting to catch me if I fall but the truth is, I've been falling ever since that fateful day.
Falling into a bottomless pit. Slowly getting sucked into oblivion...
And there's nothing they, or I can do about it.
The nights are the worst. Its when the nightmares come. He'd always have some kind of music playing, pulling me into his arms and twirling me around the hall when we got home. Now all that's left is a cold and empty space. Just like the one im in within my body.
I go to bed and lay there for hours, hoping that at any minute Il wake up from this nightmare and he'll comfort me back to sleep. But it only worsens as I close my eyes and let all of his haunting memories take over me...
Slowly...but surely.
Truth is, I haven't been the same since the day he walked. And it shows through slight cracks in the facade I put on to convince the world im okay.
Truth is, I don't think I'll ever recover from this loss, this abandonment. With him gone, the ground has slipped from under my feet. And I've been running ever since.
Truth is, this nightmare will never end, I know. But there's nothing I can do about it.
Another day. Open my eyes. Repeat.
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